The hilariously inaccurate Formula 1 2013 predictions

  • Mark Webber will retire if he wins the championship
  • We’ll have to endure months of speculation as to what Ross Brawn will do next season. Eddie Jordan will tell us the correct answer in April and then we’ll keep guessing
  • Lewis Hamilton will finish 2nd in a race which will be his highest finish of the season. It’ll be race 14 on the calendar Korea (currently )
  • Championship will be a three way fight between Jensen, Seb, and Fernando with all three in a position to win in the final race in Brazil
  • Fastest pit stop will go to Red Bull who will beat Ferrari by 0.003 of a second
  • EJ will wear the most ridiculous shirt ever seen on television, sparking ridicule, while 50 people inside the M25 immediately contact the BBC to ask where they can buy one
  • Kimi will swear on the podium live on global television. Again.
  • Kimi will win three races this season
  • Alonso will win four races
  • JB and Seb will each win five races
  • Ferrari will win the constructors championship aided by an in-form Massa
  • McLaren will finish the constructors championship in second place.
  • Bahrain’s contract to host a grand prix won’t be renewed
  • We’ll all be sick to the back teeth of hearing about possible returns to Turkey, Magny Cours or paul Ricard in France, and the A1 ring in Austria. They were all crap and we’re better off without them
  • Spa and Austin will be a toss-up among fans as to which one takes the title of best race of the season
  • Princes Andrew and Harry will be at the British grand prix which will include the red arrows fly past along with a few army air corps cabs
  • 3 drivers shall be changed out part-way through the season
  • F1 fans will realise it’s a dead heat between Seb and Jensen as to which driver you’d rather go on a night out with.
  • There will still be 11 teams on the grid at the end of the season
  • 3 teams will announce they’re customers of Renault V6 engines and gearboxes
Last updated 4th March 2013.